Category Archives: Rants

Emotions, Rants

Blindsided

Why is it some problems keep coming up time and time again? Why can’t issues be dropped? Why does one side always have to bring things up?

I am fed up of being blindsided. Just because there may be other people around, a person can seemingly be alright about a certain issue but then once you are both alone, just smack the issue back into your face.

True, I may come across as passive-aggressively shouldering the blame because I don’t want to talk about it anymore but I just want to move on and if it means accepting the burden of fault, so be it.

I can’t take this anymore. I feel like I am on the verge of giving up. Like I am pushing myself away.

Emotions, General, Rants

Communication

I’m a communications professional. But it’s so hard to communicate with some people.

After so much time together, why is it so hard? Are we being too sensitive to each other? Reading into where there is nothing?

I don’t want to argue anymore. I don’t want to fight. I want to rest. I’m tired of all the crap.

Emotions, Rants

Season

This is the first time that I really don’t feel in the mood for the season. I mean it’s Christmas but I feel like crap.

I’m playing for the Christmas service this year again but somehow it just makes me feel worse. I suppose my faith is being shakened and I really have no idea what foundation I am standing on.

So many christmas parties or gatherings that somehow I now dread going to. One of which I am hosting.

If I could call it off I would. Maybe take a break and leave the country for a bit. Although I would have no where to go or even any clue of what to do if I get there.

Been driving much more lately and I really hate the radio. Sappy christmas songs which now just make me feel that I am all the more out of it – out of season.

General, Rants

Shout

Shout
Shout
Let it all out
These are things I can do without
Come On
I’m talking to you
Come on
In violent times
You shouldn’t have to sell your soul
In black and white
They really really ought to know
Those one track minds
That took you for a working boy
Kiss them goodbye
You shouldn’t have to jump for joy

Shout
They gave you life
And in return you gave them them hell
As cold as ice
I hope we live to tell the tale

Shout
And when you’ve taken down your guard
If I could change your mind
I’d really love to break your heart
Shout

 

Emotions, General, Rants

Hyde

I find myself sitting here on the barrage staring at the city, questioning my significance.

I see spotlights shining into the sky from where revelers are drinking and dancing the night away. I wonder how many of them do that to fill a void.

I stare into the dark waters with that question. Why is there a void?

I wish I could yell out my frustrations but with people around, I can’t seem to be myself.

Do I even know the meaning of that anymore? “Myself”?

I find myself in the strange predicament of being a different person to different people. I can be the nice easy going person to some people but I have recently confided to someone about some of my baser urges and frustrations.

And it felt good. Was I repressed for so long?

Why can’t I confide some of these feelings to people I supposedly trust more? To people who are suppose to be close to me?

Is it easier to tell someone you don’t know about the dark side of your life? Is it wrong to suppress that dark side or is it wrong to embrace it?

I have a feeling that the answer lies somewhere in between.

In between the man and the monster that lies within.