It’s been about 2 weeks since I have started taking St John’s Wort. It seems to help. But I can’t help still feel frustrated with how some things are.

We have started the first session of the marriage counselling. Its going to be long. I really don’t know how its going to be. She was fairly tolerant with me for about a week, after someone told her that what I was going through is expected from someone who is depressed. But it seems that after the counselling, we have gone back to arguing over everything.

It doesn’t help that I have an overbearing mother that expects me to do her bidding. regardless of the imposition on me.

I haven’t been talking to ML much about stuff because I don’t want to frustrate them. I do feel alone more though and that sucks. I do wish I could talk with ML more but ML is also tired more lately.

I am just glad that I can keep a decent enough facade in the office.

It’s started to happen. She is losing her patience with me and blowing up over issues as much as I did. We hardly talk now and I am just so saddened by how things are turning out.

It’s starting to seem as though I can’t turn to ML anymore. ML is definitely frustrated at me and already pushing me towards a marriage counsellor.

I just hate that we have not resolved the matter from Saturday. It was already left stewing overnight and on Sunday we started talking about it, but that was it. It started but nothing came of it. There was no closure to it, it was just left hanging.

I am super clueless about what to do know. I feel like crying or yelling or screaming out but I can’t because I’m stuck in army.

I am frustrated over being frustrated. ML was asking about some stuff which made me feel horrible and by the time I got home after running 1,001 errands. I just want to rest and was tired.

So, of course, I get asked some questions by the wife and my tired tone is interpreted as frustration and it makes her frustrated. How does that work? A perceived frustration rebounds and makes you frustrated? When no move was made against you, it just lashes out? No wonder men over millennia still have no clue how women think.

I am not strong enough to handle this. Which is actually what ML was talking to me about. ML wanted to whack me for considering giving up. I don’t blame them. Especially when it seems like what I am doing is taking the easy way out. Which leads to my frustration and tiredness.

And the infinity loop begins again.