It was always you.
You were open and honest with me.
When I was new and lost, you came and welcomed me.
You were frank and helped me to be better.
You trusted me with things that were personal.
We did things together and went through crap together.
When things happened to me and I was thrown off track, you stood by me and helped me along.
But I got stuck, and your patience wore thin.
I miss you.
I miss the times when we joked and laughed and chilled together.
I miss the daily drives where we would just talk.
You don’t think much of me anymore and sadly I understand.
I wish I could turn back the hands of time, to go back to when things were simpler and happy.
I look back and wish we did not drift.
Yours is a friendship that I never want to lose.
But I am afraid I have already lost you.
I think I have hit rock bottom.
Nothing seems to be going right which makes me wonder if there’s anything left.
I have absolutely nothing and no one left.
After a nights’ sleep, I woke up this morning and decided to try something with the wife. I hope it helped but there was something weird that happened which I don’t know to be concerned about.
Either way, here’s hoping that issues can be ironed out.
I feel like crap. I am still recovering from flu and having crazier mood swings. Often, I have no appetite and have been feeling giddy or light-headed. And I just puked air.
At least twice today I had to get out of the office and take deep breaths. Maybe I am getting anxiety attacks, heart palpitations or something. Concerned boss, GT, suggests maybe I should check my blood pressure.
People are talking about Chinese New Year and I am just dreading it. I am hating the idea of spending it with family. I already have a tough time putting on a mask everywhere I go. I can hardly be myself around people. Sometimes I wonder if I am being a bother to ML with all my crap.
I need to get away. It is times like this, that the whole idea of disappearing sounds more and more appealing. I wish I could do that. Just disappear.
Some say falling ill is the body’s way of telling you that you need a break.