Category Archives: General

Solo Spiral

I’m back after an eternity. I’ve been teetering on the brink and I know that I am falling again. The world is in a sorry state and possibly just recovering, but I fear that I have been enduring more than I can bear. the past month or so, I’ve been feeling lonely again, I’m again reminded of how I am no where near the accomplishments that my peers have achieved.

I’m now a middle-aged divorcee that has not achieved any measure of success in career, relationships, or most anything that matters. I have no idea idea how to move forward anymore.

Over the past 3 years I had been working on a few happiness projects. Small little steps for me to be happy:-

  • Marriage
    • Finally am free from this. While not an annulment as it could have been, I’m just thankful that I no longer have to suffer. It was expensive, but necessary.
  • Studies
    • Started and completed a degree in Mass Communications (with 2nd class upper)
  • Health
  • Building a New Home
  • Moving on in Career
  • Relationships

The latter points would be best elaborated on in future updates.

The starting point of all this, is that she got married. I knew that I needed to move on and I finally told her that I had been carrying a torch for her for ages. Of course, she knew. What I didn’t expect was her subsequent reaction.

Fast forward to my 40th birthday, which was very muted. I ended up doing nothing special all alone. And that’s when my spiral started.

I am all alone. What little accomplishments I had, I had no one to share with.


It was always you.

You were open and honest with me.

When I was new and lost, you came and welcomed me.

You were frank and helped me to be better.

You trusted me with things that were personal.

We did things together and went through crap together.

When things happened to me and I was thrown off track, you stood by me and helped me along.

But I got stuck, and your patience wore thin.

I miss you.

I miss the times when we joked and laughed and chilled together.

I miss the daily drives where we would just talk.

You don’t think much of me anymore and sadly I understand.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time, to go back to when things were simpler and happy.

I look back and wish we did not drift.

Yours is a friendship that I never want to lose.

But I am afraid I have already lost you.


I think I have hit rock bottom.

Nothing seems to be going right which makes me wonder if there’s anything left.

I have absolutely nothing and no one left.


After a nights’ sleep, I woke up this morning and decided to try something with the wife. I hope it helped but there was something weird that happened which I don’t know to be concerned about.

Either way, here’s hoping that issues can be ironed out.