This is the first time that I really don’t feel in the mood for the season. I mean it’s Christmas but I feel like crap.

I’m playing for the Christmas service this year again but somehow it just makes me feel worse. I suppose my faith is being shakened and I really have no idea what foundation I am standing on.

So many christmas parties or gatherings that somehow I now dread going to. One of which I am hosting.

If I could call it off I would. Maybe take a break and leave the country for a bit. Although I would have no where to go or even any clue of what to do if I get there.

Been driving much more lately and I really hate the radio. Sappy christmas songs which now just make me feel that I am all the more out of it – out of season.