Solo Spiral

I’m back after an eternity. I’ve been teetering on the brink and I know that I am falling again. The world is in a sorry state and possibly just recovering, but I fear that I have been enduring more than I can bear. the past month or so, I’ve been feeling lonely again, I’m again reminded of how I am no where near the accomplishments that my peers have achieved.

I’m now a middle-aged divorcee that has not achieved any measure of success in career, relationships, or most anything that matters. I have no idea idea how to move forward anymore.

Over the past 3 years I had been working on a few happiness projects. Small little steps for me to be happy:-

  • Marriage
    • Finally am free from this. While not an annulment as it could have been, I’m just thankful that I no longer have to suffer. It was expensive, but necessary.
  • Studies
    • Started and completed a degree in Mass Communications (with 2nd class upper)
  • Health
  • Building a New Home
  • Moving on in Career
  • Relationships

The latter points would be best elaborated on in future updates.

The starting point of all this, is that she got married. I knew that I needed to move on and I finally told her that I had been carrying a torch for her for ages. Of course, she knew. What I didn’t expect was her subsequent reaction.

Fast forward to my 40th birthday, which was very muted. I ended up doing nothing special all alone. And that’s when my spiral started.

I am all alone. What little accomplishments I had, I had no one to share with.