I guess I’ve always been the type of guy to focus on others first. And now it has come to bite me in my ass. It doesn’t seem like a lot of the things I do is appreciated. I know I do a lot of the “thankless” types of jobs, but I guess it chips away at me.
Maybe its that I feel invalidated as a person; that sometimes I get taken for granted. Perhaps the reason why I have urges to just disappear is because it seems just that easy. Other than my HOD and ML, no many others seem to appreciate our work. In fact, I have the feeling that we are being herded out.
Is it wrong to seek some validation? Surely not?
Trivial things add up.
That’s why lately I am edgy with her. And she feels I’m making a big deal over nothing. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. It’s hard to keep track nowadays.
I’m dry. I feel abandoned. I am lost. So far these are the things that I am certain about. Everything else is fluid. And rushing all over.
Even the tiniest drops of water, can crack an entire boulder with time. The littlest impacts add up.
It will be tough on her but I need her to be strong while I sort my mess out.
What is the secret to marriage? Why is it so hard to keep it going? Why is it that when you are married, communication becomes so hard? Is it me? Is there something I am doing wrong?
Pick any aspect of my life right now, and I can assuredly say that I am drained there. And chances are I am draining her too. We are both so easily irritable now that we are setting each other off like a blind man in a minefield. It’s a vicious cycle to which I have no idea how to really get out of.
I need a way to recharge myself.
How does a car run when its fuel tank is on empty?
Lately, emotions run wild and anger flares cause chaotic explosions. I am running on empty. And my frustrations and her expectations of me still drain me. And then because I can not meet her expectations, she gets drained.
How do people navigate the minefield that is a marriage?
It’s as though there is no win-win situation that can be achieved when a person is down.
I have fallen and the very support structure that is suppose to be in place is crushing me.
We both need to recharge ourselves. We need space. I really don’t like the sound of that.