So we just had an appreciation service in church to end of 2013. Honestly, 2013 felt like such a horrible year and I’m just waiting for the end of the festivities in early 2014 to end so that I can move on.

There was a time for everyone to write little notes of appreciation to each other. I couldn’t write anything. I didn’t feel up to it. On top of that, I believe I was suffering from an anxiety attack then. Heart palpitations and all. I just wanted to hang back and fade away.

I just read the notes that people wrote on my sheet. So many of it was for serving on the worship team. If only people knew how sometimes I feel obligated to serve. I feel like I need a break, but I can’t take one because there’s no one else left to do stuff.

I’m like that too much I guess. I go out of my way to do things. Sometimes I wonder if this is what causes me to feel dry. That I do so much for other people that I burn out.

Selfish seems like such a negative word. But I feel I need to be self–ish. I have lost all sense of it really. And though I seem to have strands of it coming back, it’s still not enough for now.

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